A LETTER TO MY FAVORITE NEPHEW ON HIS BAR MITZVAH

Dear Samuel, oh alright I'll try to use your grown up name, Dear Sam,

Ok, you are my only nephew, but you are still my favorite! This morning was your Bar Mitzvah.  I was so happy to be there & I was proud of all of the hard work you put into studying. You did a wonderful job.

Your father's Bar Mitzvah was in Springfield, Illinois. He also did a good job.  He wore a tie I picked out for him.  I remember lots of people & eating salmon. (sound familiar?)  There was a famous person there.  The Governor came! His name was Otto Kerner (look him up, but NOT on Wikipedia!) He was a friend of your Grandfather Siegel.  Thankfully, your grandfather wasn't too friendly with the Governor, cause like a lot of Illinois politicians, he eventually was tried, convicted & sent to prison for something involving bribes.

Another Bar Mitzvah that stands out in my memory was our cousin Steven.  He also did a good job & the party was fun.  There was also a famous person at that simcha.  An author named Herman Wouk attended. You can look him up too.  I was very impressed to meet him, but as I admitted in a previous blog post, I was a little tipsy when I met him.  There is a funny story about an exchange between Aunt Patricia & Uncle Stanley before the party started. Uncle Stanley wanted to move Mr Wouk's books to a more prominent location in the house, but that would mean they would need to be on the same shelves as the Torah books.  Aunt Patricia said he was a great author, but she didn't think he could compete with Hashem. I think the books stayed where they were.  Herman Wouk did NOT go to jail.  Recently, B"H, he celebrated his 100th birthday by publishing another book "Sailor and Fiddler:  Reflections of a 100-Year-Old Author".

I think the famous people at your Bar Mitzvah today were your Great Grandfather Lewis- Eliezer- Siegel(who you are named after), the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe & his successor The Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson.  In the 1940's, Grandpa donated money to Chabad.  He would bring the donations in person when he was in Crown Heights.  We really didn't know this story until Rabbi Shemtov's  father was visiting in Tucson & met your Grandfather Siegel. It turned out the Rabbi's father recognized the Siegel name & asked if our family was from Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  He remembered Grandpa Siegel! I don't believe in coincidences.  This was all meant to be.  Your Great Grandfather contributed to the very organization that educated Rabbi Shemtov, who in turn educated you.  You are a product of the generations that came before.

I remember the day you were born.  Your parents were generous enough to allow your large extended family to wait right outside the operating room and then into the recovery area.  We were taking turns holding & kissing you & your sister when you were less than an hour old.  I leaned down to kiss your mother.  I whispered "Thank you" in her ear.  I think she said "you're welcome".
 
When you & your sister were named, I was awed at the meanings of your names.  Your Grandfather Siegel pointed out that your names mean G-d was asked & G-d answered.  I consider you and your sister to be miracles who bring great happiness to our family.

Samuel, you are your own young man.  You know your mind.  I hope this remains a life long trait.  This makes you strong.  (I do hope you realize this is a super power.  Please use for good, not evil.  Just kidding, wanted you to laugh in case I am being too sentimental.)You are a sweet, kind boy with a loving disposition.  I hope that doesn't spoil your reputation with your friends! I won't reflect on your entire life to this point, I don't want to embarrass you any more than I have already. However, I do remember you helping your sister stay out of trouble with the water fountain we used to have, when you offered her food from your plate, your extreme excitement at getting the little electric car, the fun you had moving dirt & rocks around the yard with a just your size tractor, how you pretended to be your Grandfather & made snoring noises, how you could talk & talk about how to fix things around the house, how during your fireman phase I made you very happy at Chanukkah with a roll of yellow "Do not cross" tape.  I remember more happy times when you and your sister helped me make challah or clean for Passover. You have loved cleaning things since you could walk.  I don't know if you are still interested in cleaning, I'll ask your mother:)   Earlier this year, we had to replace our refrigerator.  I was happy to get a new one, but will miss the old one especially because there were cracks in the bottom of it where you used to stand to reach the top shelf.  One of my most precious memories is Simchas Torah when your Grandfather Siegel was still with us & 3 generations of Siegels were called to the Torah at one time, you, your dad & your grandfather.

I was not prepared to cry like a baby today at shul, but you did such a good job & I was thinking of these good memories & my sadness that some very important people are no longer with us.
I know we'll have lots of fun times in the future.  I can't wait to see what they are.

Love, Tante Pam

Some People are Just Crazy

This is a follow up to a previous blog post We Don't Live In Oregon: Caregiving Part Umpteen and a Half.  Events yesterday were too weird to believe.  I went to see my Internist for a routine checkup.  She works in the same clinic as the provider who "fired" my mom as a patient because they could not meet "family expectations".  This was my second visit to the clinic since my mom was "termed". (I've been told that is a preferred word to "fired") Both times I prepared myself for running into my mom's former provider.  I would keep a blank expression on my face & look past her if the situation arose.  It had occurred to me to switch doctors, but I really like the one I have.  I think she likes me.  We are a good fit.  She's been nothing but supportive through all the cancer saga.  I didn't want to give that up just so I would never have to run into the other provider.  The fly in the ointment is that my mom's former provider is the owner of the practice.  My doctor is her employee.

Yesterday I was called back from the waiting room for my appointment.  My vitals were taken & I was shown into an exam room.  I should have known something was up as that is not the usual routine there.  (Usually I would be shown back to the waiting room & called back to the exam room when the doctor was ready.) I waited a few minutes in the exam room, there was a knock at the door & the Nurse Practitioner who was my mom's former PCP walked into the room & proceeded to literally yell at me for about 60 seconds about how she had heard from 3 separate people that I had been saying "disparaging" things about her.  She never took a breath.  She said "it must stop" & if it didn't that I "would no longer be welcome at the practice".  She then turned around & left the room.  I was completely blindsided.  I thought my privacy had been invaded.  I wanted to flee immediately.  I wish I could say I wanted to follow her down the hall doing my own shouting but I'm not that person.  I started pacing the room, I opened the door, I didn't want any more surprises.  My doctor came in.  She knew what was going to happen before hand, but was not in the position to interfere.  We had a frank discussion.  I was quite agitated.  I said I had been afraid of conflict (tho not to this degree) , but I didn't want to change doctors.  She said she would understand if I did & she could give me some names.  Then we went on to have a normal appointment.  She wants me to see yet another specialist. This will be about my 10th doctor.  I made a follow up appointment for 3 months & got the hell out of there.

I went home & almost asked the caregiver who was with my mom for one of her cigarettes. (I haven't smoked in about 2 and 1/2 years.) Instead I ate two bowls of ice cream.  Yeah getting fat is really going to show her!

I've thought about this since last evening & have come to some decisions.  I guess I do have to change doctors.  My psyche simply can take no more stress.  I could not picture myself ever walking into that place again.  I'll wait on the referral to the nephrologist, then call my doctor & ask for recommendations for a new provider.  I will miss her, but I see no other option.  I did some googling to find how to lodge a formal complaint with the State.  I had considered this before, but thought things would just calm down.  I want peace & happiness & feelings of positivity in our lives & our home.  However, after yesterday I concluded that people need to be protected from such unprofessional behavior.

 I have no idea who these 3 people are who the nurse practitioner says I have been saying disparaging things about her to.  One of them may be my former employee who I "termed"(after late night inebriated phone calls, missing pills & lies including continuing to present herself as a CNA more than a year after her certification had expired.)   The two of them are friends.I said very little about the matter to that person.  I am too busy to be obsessed with spreading gossip. This brings me to my final thought on the subject.  How would she thinks she knows that I have been saying disparaging things about her if she wasn't talking about confidential patient information at inappropriate times & places?