A Cup of Tea (Trakht Gut Vet Zein Gut)

My mom has a nurse who has been coming to see her here at home for about the past 5 years.  I like her very much, but she has one habit that has bothered me.  Many health care professionals feel the need to force the patient & family to "face reality".  It's gotten to the point with this one nurse that I irritate her by interrupting her little speeches.  She tried again the other day.  She wanted to talk to me alone before we went in my mom's room.  I thought "uh oh".  We sat down, she leaned forward, looked me in the eye & said "Pam, you know your mother is a very old woman...".  I waited for her to take a short pause before I interrupted her again & said "Just because I don't want to talk about it doesn't mean I don't know it".  I went on to use about 3 metaphors such as "I may appear to have my head in the sand but I don't.  I just don't want to talk about it"..I think she finally understood!!!! We shook hands.  My mom hasn't been out of the house for 2 1/2 years.  The only place I want my mom to go is to the emergency room if an emergency happens.  We are not going to go to any specialist's offices. S/he would just want to order a bunch of tests which would mean more trips out which would drive my mom crazy & wear her out.  The nurse practitioner & RN will continue to see my mom here at home & try to manage her care & medications.  We are lucky that there is a lab that comes to the house so that my mom's blood can be tested every few weeks to see if her medications or diet need to be adjusted.  In other words, just because my mom is a "very old woman" does not mean we don't want vigilant care.  Infections will get treated, fluid imbalances will be addressed & things that can be fixed or improved will be.  This nurse wasn't suggesting we ignore my mom, but the message I was getting from her was that she thought I was living in "la la land". (Even if I wasn't facing "reality" I still don't understand this need from medical professionals to beat you over the head with it).  I believe in the old Yiddish expression "Think good & it will be good" "Trakht gut vet zein gut". Our home will remain a place to talk about what is going right, what is good, what is optimistic.  Words & attitudes affect one's surroundings.

The very day after the nurse visited, I went out for one of my doctor's appointments.  My mom was home with our most excellent caregiver Charlotte.  When I left it was cloudy & ready to drizzle.  When I got home, it was 40 degrees F & pouring rain.  Charlotte had a cup of tea waiting for me because my mom had ASKED her to make it as I would be cold when I came home.  My mom had told her to be sure not to make black tea, because I'm not allowed to drink that.  She is correct. I am not allowed to drink black tea.  Pretty good for a "very old woman" !

Texting Etiquette

Not long ago I was invited, via text message, to an important event just 3 days away.  I was offended! Maybe you wouldn't be, but I was.  As readers will know, I need to arrange caregiving for my 88 year old mother whenever I am planning to be out of the house.  I can not leave her alone.   I stewed about this  invitation for a while, trying to figure out if I could make arrangements on such short notice.  I was also annoyed at being invited at the last moment & not even with a phone call, but with a text message.  I thought how to respond to this invitation for a few hours.  Apparently, this was not fast enough, because the person who had invited me telephoned to find out if I had received the text message! Why not call me in the first place? Why not call me a week ago?  Maybe I should save this righteous indignation for more important things, but I am not the person who could do that.  I did manage to make arrangements so that I could attend, but apparently it's still bugging me! Ha!

Again not long ago, I saw a post on Facebook that someone who was a friend of a friend had passed away the previous night. This of course was sad, but the problem was not all of the family had yet been notified!  Subsequent comments indicated that some of his relatives found out about the death on Facebook. Tragic. I think if we hear of a death, we should keep our fingers off the keys & make a phone call, an old fashioned telephone call.  I appreciate the irony that someone who is blogging details of her life would object to people sharing too much on Facebook, but this is my choice & my life. 
I know a few people who don't like congratulations, happy birthdays, invitations, etc issued online.  They want phone calls or greeting cards.  Yes, I know a wonderful woman who has a full collection of greeting cards & sends them out for holidays & birthdays.  They are a treat to receive.  "Snail" mail has its positive side.  It's fun to open the mail box & find something other than a bill or junk mail.  It's touching that someone took the time to personally reach out to you.  I am not that motivated to send out cards like my friend does, but she likes me anyway.