My mom has a nurse who has been coming to see her here at home for about the past 5 years. I like her very much, but she has one habit that has bothered me. Many health care professionals feel the need to force the patient & family to "face reality". It's gotten to the point with this one nurse that I irritate her by interrupting her little speeches. She tried again the other day. She wanted to talk to me alone before we went in my mom's room. I thought "uh oh". We sat down, she leaned forward, looked me in the eye & said "Pam, you know your mother is a very old woman...". I waited for her to take a short pause before I interrupted her again & said "Just because I don't want to talk about it doesn't mean I don't know it". I went on to use about 3 metaphors such as "I may appear to have my head in the sand but I don't. I just don't want to talk about it"..I think she finally understood!!!! We shook hands. My mom hasn't been out of the house for 2 1/2 years. The only place I want my mom to go is to the emergency room if an emergency happens. We are not going to go to any specialist's offices. S/he would just want to order a bunch of tests which would mean more trips out which would drive my mom crazy & wear her out. The nurse practitioner & RN will continue to see my mom here at home & try to manage her care & medications. We are lucky that there is a lab that comes to the house so that my mom's blood can be tested every few weeks to see if her medications or diet need to be adjusted. In other words, just because my mom is a "very old woman" does not mean we don't want vigilant care. Infections will get treated, fluid imbalances will be addressed & things that can be fixed or improved will be. This nurse wasn't suggesting we ignore my mom, but the message I was getting from her was that she thought I was living in "la la land". (Even if I wasn't facing "reality" I still don't understand this need from medical professionals to beat you over the head with it). I believe in the old Yiddish expression "Think good & it will be good" "Trakht gut vet zein gut". Our home will remain a place to talk about what is going right, what is good, what is optimistic. Words & attitudes affect one's surroundings.
The very day after the nurse visited, I went out for one of my doctor's appointments. My mom was home with our most excellent caregiver Charlotte. When I left it was cloudy & ready to drizzle. When I got home, it was 40 degrees F & pouring rain. Charlotte had a cup of tea waiting for me because my mom had ASKED her to make it as I would be cold when I came home. My mom had told her to be sure not to make black tea, because I'm not allowed to drink that. She is correct. I am not allowed to drink black tea. Pretty good for a "very old woman" !
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