Confessions To A House Guest

I'm excited about even the possibility you might be able to visit, but you've never been here so I think it's only fair to warn you about a few things.

The carpeting is 25 years old & disgusting.  We would get new carpeting, but besides me being a penny pincher, who would move all of that heavy furniture? Also, I keep thinking someday we'll move and we'll put new carpeting in then to sell the house.  The carpet does clean up nicely with a yearly professional cleaning, but..... that yearly cleaning happened....10 months ago. Currently it looks like a kids party just happened here. What can I say? We spill a lot.

We have 3 cats & I know you are not a cat lover.  They will probably bother you because they can sense a non fan a mile away.  Your bedroom door will close to keep them out, but currently your bathroom is missing a towel rod.  It fell off & I have no idea how to put it back up.  The good news is that as of this minute, all of the toilets, showers & sinks actually work.

I've been stingy with the selfies cause I hate the way I look in pix, but when you are here, you'll see the real thing,the good, the bad & the ugly.  Let's just say that given my health distractions, eye brow waxing has not been a top priority. 

This is my mom's house so the decor reflect her & my late father's changing tastes over a marriage of 56 years. I like some of it, especially the things that have been in their homes since my childhood.  Some of it is just weird & there is too much of it.  I mean it's a perfectly nice house & neat & clean (mostly, on a good day) but much of it is not my taste.  I've created a "nest" of sorts upstairs in my rooms where you will be sleeping.  It reflects me & I love being surrounded by my own things that trigger great memories or just make me happy.  I hope you enjoy it!
 

I'm a collector, not a hoarder!

I have a friend who is close to making Aliyah (moving to Haifa,Israel).  She is packing everything she wants into the allowed number of suitcases  (I think it is 5).  Everything else is being sold or given away. She is shipping NOTHING. ( She may be leaving some personal items with a relative in his garage.)  She wants to start fresh.  I admire her tremendously for many reasons, one being that try as I might, I don't think I could ever start "fresh"
  I really don't own that much "stuff" (ala George Carlin) and during my last move about 10 years ago, I did almost start fresh, getting rid of about half of my belongings.  On a previous move when I still had what I considered a house full of items, the movers got there & groaned because I had so little & they were being paid by the hour, so they wouldn't make very much on my move. I guess what I am saying is that the amount one owns is in the eye of the beholder.  I think I have a lot, the movers think I have too little to bother with.
Right now, I think I have as little as I could possibly tolerate.  Everything I own fits into a bedroom & 1/2 and about 12 large plastic storage containers.  I have one large antique china hutch that has been integrated into my mom's decor.  Plus, I have all of my kitchen utensils, pots, pans, small appliances, etc. I have mementos from loved ones including my maternal grandmother's wedding dress & of all things her electric waffle iron which I am afraid to use cause of the old wiring. I know I could have it rewired, but then is it still hers? I have quilt squares that both my grandmother & greatgrandmother made.   I am an inconsistent crafter, so I have 1/4 closet of supplies.  I do still use them when I am in the right mood.  I LOVE costume jewelry & native arts.  I am a snob about sheets.  I don't have very many, but the ones I have I could never part with.  Anyway, my goal here was not to list my possessions, but to be thrilled for my friend & the achievement of her goals.  She is a true pioneer.  
An image came to mind of a wagon train traveling west approaching the mountains.  My friend would be the one lightening the load by throwing items out of the wagon.  I would be the one weeping by the trail over some chair my great grandfather made with his own hands. (I actually have one of those!)

Neil Simon & Sholom Aleichem Part Two

Upon reflection, I have a fear some may think I was making fun of my mother in my previous post.  Never, never, never!  I was making fun of the situation & of my reaction to it.  My love & respect of my mother continues though the woman she once was is getting harder & harder to find.  I will never give up looking for signs of that mother still being in the present. 
A friend of mine told me not to worry about this, that Jews look for humor in the worst of situations.  I agree.  We also never cease to find the guilt at enjoying that humor!
Several days ago I was filling up my mom's medicine containers for the week & tweeted that I needed an in house Pharmacist to help me. (I also need to keep track of my oral chemotherapy drug & other various pills I take)  I think I also need an in house blog editor.  Come to think of it, I could also use a person to fill the role of an old fashioned "wife", someone to cook dinner, run errands, make phone calls, balance the check book, reorganize closets, etc, etc, etc...... Any applicants? Just kidding,don't apply! Going through applications is another piece of paper work I don't have time or energy to get done.

Neil Simon meets Sholem Aleichem

Last week my roommate thought she saw a scorpion & freaked out.  We do occasionally get scorpions in the house & I hate them with  a passion.  My roommate used to be the one to kill them cause I was so afraid & disgusted by them.  The job of scorpion killer has fallen to me like almost every other job in this house.  I was on the phone when she told me there was a scorpion across the room.  I told her to step  on it & squish it as much as she could & that I would come with the dust buster as fast as I could.  Meanwhile, I was holding the phone between my ear & shoulder & accidentally disconnected the phone call. (They must have thought I was nuts cause they could hear my end of this conversation.  Fortunately, they called back by the time this episode was over.  The person I was speaking to had no sense of humor & no experience with scorpions.)  I got the dust buster & asked my roommate to lift her foot.  She did & what was there? A piece of cat hair! No scorpion.  My roommate went to the bathroom & came back all in a "tizzy".  Her voice was tremulous & she said she was "shaking like a leaf".  I asked why & she said the scorpion episode scared her death.  I'm not sure what exactly I said, but it was something like "Well, no big deal, it was just cat hair".  She said "Well thanks for all of the sympathy" with her voice dripping with sarcasm.(Neil Simon's Brighton Beach Memoirs popped into my head)  I was aghast.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  This from a woman who thinks I'm weak because I get upset about having had cancer, a broken ankle & a kidney stone at the same time.  Despite knowing better I answered "You're kidding, right?" She said no.  I said (again knowing better) "This coming from a woman who can only show me sympathy when I'm laying on the floor with a broken bone?" (Neil Simon again).  She said "Yes" & something about how she has to remind me to keep a stiff upper lip.  (You'd think we were British, not Jewish~~yeah I realize you can be both) So I say something to the effect that sympathy seems to only travel UP the family tree(OK, the fiction ends, the "roommate" is my mom).  She said "Yes".  I asked why, she said (this is where Fiddler On the Roof enters the story) "Because I am the Mama!" There was nothing to do but leave the room & laugh.  Thank G-d I get plenty of support from lots of other people.