Someone I trust (even tho I haven't seen her in a couple of years) told me "They work for you, not the other way around" (referring to doctors, nurses, home health aides, etc, etc....). People have been telling me this for the last eleven years when I first helped my mom coordinate care for my father (of blessed memory). First we cared for my him, then for my sister (of blessed memory) & now I am caring for my mom. I am sometimes a slow learner, but this particular lesson (that I am in charge, not all of the holders of the jobs mentioned above) has been imprinted on my brain finally, I hope. I am stronger & more capable of standing up for what I believe my mom needs. I realize I'm not an expert in their fields & will of course listen to them, but I am the boss, I am my mom's advocate. I will fight for her right to be as independent as she can for as long as she can be. I am tired of being "patted on the head" & mocked as some kind of obsessive- refusing to face reality- daughter. They need to recognize OUR reality, OUR goals & OUR beliefs. I think I might write it up & make it required reading for anyone coming into our home to help us.
Last night, I called the old friend mentioned in this post's first sentence & asked for free professional advice. She offered some suggestions within her practice guidelines(friend or not, a professional cannot offer advice without actually seeing the problem). I called her because my mom was going to have to wait 2 weeks for this kind of official appointment. The PCP wanted to wait until some other test results came in. I understand the theory of this. It's good medicine, although my suspicious nature told me it was being denied because they thought I was not facing "reality" &/or expecting too much. There is also need to suss out problems of cognition vs problems of strength. I don't want my mom getting weaker because I expect too little of her, on the other hand I don't want to endanger her because I am expecting too much of her. I won't go into detail in this post about the problem, but it involves the bathroom. I said that if we could not get help for 2 weeks, then the bathroom was going to be completely unsafe & dysfunctional in the interim. The nurse said, in that case, she would come look at the problem today. I appreciated that but it wasn't good enough. I cannot describe how dangerous & upsetting the situation is/was. I called my friend & told her the problem. We talked a long time. She said she agreed with the PCP about waiting for the test results but understood my frustration. She offered a suggestion. I immediately put it into effect & guess what? It works!!!!! No more crying or arguing from either my mom or me. Also, a lot less stress. I wish I had insisted on this type of consult several weeks ago. Instead I was left on my own & the PCP/Nurse suggestions. This lead to a wasted $110 fix that didn't work. You of course cannot return used bathroom items.
I am so happy right now that every trip to the bathroom does not need to be feared by either my mom or me!
No comments:
Post a Comment