Following with a few minor modifications is an email I wrote to one of my cousins this morning.
Hi, want to keep you updated even when some of the news is disheartening. My mom is literally getting worse by the day. I was not prepared for that rapidity. I've never heard of it before. Every doctor or nurse I tell this to has no explanation, except sometimes this is the way it is. Just at her birthday 8 months ago she was at the table, wearing her crown,enjoying the meal,company & presents. Yesterday she started spitting out her pills all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, although she did begin to have trouble getting some of them down last week. I guess starting this morning I crush them & disguise their taste in food. Last night I called the pharmacist & found I can crush all but one of her pills. I will need to call the doctor for a substitute. Her food has been getting softer & softer. My brother brought her a root beer float yesterday. I'm making her shakes & smoothies although she can eat small bites of chicken that the caregiver made in my toaster oven. We are feeding her most of the time, tho we left a bowl of ice cream in front of her, went to do something else & found her feeding herself! She keeps her eyes closed most of the time. She is not walking or standing anymore,but only because her fear outweighs her strength/abilities. Last night she said good night to me as her "sweet darling girl", but had been mad at me most of the day because I would not leave her alone to just vegetate. I made cookies yesterday in effort to get her to move her arms and hands to feed herself. It did not work although she enjoyed the cookie when I put pieces in her mouth. The tests in the hospital indicated no strokes. I realize she has dementia,but some of these symptoms happening so fast make me wonder if some of it is psychiatric. I'm pretty sure my Great Grandmother deteriorated not only from "senility" as it was called in those days but from a broken heart after my Great Grandfather died. My mom has at times in her life been "high strung", but she has not been the same since her sister, then my father and then my sister died. Some of her eccentric behavior in the past decade or so I now see as the beginnings of the current problems.
Sorry to burden you with this, but thought you would like to know.
Love & Hugs, Pam
Dear Pam,
ReplyDeleteIt took a lot of courage to post this personal odyssey that you are enduring, in your mitzvah to Wilda. I know you have suffered great losses & your incredible come back from cancer; this time with your mother, you are reaching new heights. You are an inspiration.
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ReplyDeleteDear Pam
ReplyDeleteI write a long post before and Google seems to have lost it somewhere. The gist of it was that depression and dementia often go hand in hand and the gentlest encouragement from you to move may be felt as overwhelming. I say if she eats the ice cream on her own keep tons in the house. I worked as a hero psychologist for many years and have seen what you are describing before. Sometimes, it passes and other times it doesn't there really IS no way to tell. You have all my deepest respect for caring for Aunt Wilda putting in the 36 hour days. I've and kisses to both of you.
Dear Pam,
ReplyDeleteYou are and have been giving Aunt Wilda such a wonderful QUALITY of life! I am sure she is grateful and feels loved, even when she doesn't act that way. I agree with Ellen, if ice cream is what she wants to eat, let her eat ice cream! You know that depression runs deep in our veins, so whatever cheers her up, so be it! Love and hugs, Janet