Not Lost In Translation

Do all elders become passive-aggressive or is it just at our house? The other day I wrote a Facebook post about when my mom asks "Is this what we usually watch?" what she really means is "Change the channel!".  I thought it was funny & so did a couple of people on Facebook.  The thing is I've been thinking & noticing that she does this in lots of different situations.  They are not all funny.  Some examples follow:
"Are you eating potato chips?" (even when I'm eating vegetable sticks)  means "I want potato chips" or it might mean she wants to do some emotional eating. It's a clue that I might need to give her one of her pills. She hardly ever just says "I feel nervous".
 
"When is (name of caregiver) coming?"  This means she wants someone who will do more things for her than I will.   I encourage her to do the things that she can do.  I don't want those skills to disappear.  When she says "I can't" I say "You did it yesterday".  The caregiver is only here about 15 hours a week.  I have asked her to "spoil" my mom a little cause sometimes I just don't feel healthy & energetic.  I want my mom to get some small amount of "being waited upon" cause she deserves it. 

Come to think about it, most of it all boils down to her asking questions instead of saying what's on her mind.  "Have I had any Tylenol today?" means she needs some.  

We had a little problem the other night about what she was going to wear to bed.  She has 4 gowns she likes to wear to bed, but they have been washed so many times they are LITERALLY falling apart. I'm serious.  They are torn & have holes in them.  I have ordered new ones, but they are not the same.  I can't find exactly the same thing.  Of course the new ones are thicker cause they haven't been laundered 300 times.  She says they are too hot to sleep in & she wants the old raggedy ones.  I have actually put one of them in the rag bag in the garage. She was adamant & I let it go too far. At one point during this she actually wanted to wear a flannel night gown cause even it would be cooler than the new short sleeved cotton gown. I think she was just mad at me. Part of me wants to have my way & have her appreciate the new nice gowns.  Part of me is scared that someone might see her in the old ones & think I'm not taking good care of her.  The sane part of me finally realized it will be chilly in a few more weeks & she will not care how "hot" she gets at night.  The old ones can just disappear over the winter & not reappear.  She slept in the gown with holes & was happy.