I've been a maniac about writing in my journal (now on volume 4 since starting in November of 2013) but neglecting this blog. One reason is that it's so daunting for me to figure out where to draw the line between public vs private information. In my journal I rant about my illness, my finances, my family relationships, perceived wrongs from "friends", etc. I don't want to rant about private things on a blog. Recently 2 people have asked me when I'm writing my book. Me? write a book? I think I need to become more disciplined about blogging first. I wish I had started my journal at the beginning of my diagnosis (February-March 2013, I have to look up the exact date by digging through my files of medical reports & bills which now fill a black bankers box I got at Walgreens).
A few days ago, a friend sent me a link to a "cancer memoir". I immediately read it, primarily to get an idea of what/ how I should write about my experiences. Very oddly, it gave me a lot of self confidence because it was so poorly written.(I'm not sure I can write very well, but I know I can write better than that author) I read it to the end, but was glad when I was done. I ended up not liking the author very much in addition to disliking the poor writing. I know that cancer stories should not be a game of who had it worse, it's all relative to the person who is going through it, but she irritated me by "whining" about medical issues that I considered "easy". She also griped about how expensive it is to have cancer even with insurance (I had no insurance for about the first 8 months of my treatment) but then talked about shopping for pretty things, eating out & traveling. Well enough about her, what about me?
Since I last blogged, I've finished the 2nd series of chemotherapy, had 2 more operations (making a total of 3 in a year). I now have clocked 30 days in the hospital between August of 2013 & August of 2014. I've had a couple of CT scans,various x-rays & 2 more PET scans. (Oh and yet ANOTHER colonoscopy, making a total of four in just under a year and a 1/2) I also had a ride in an ambulance leading to my 2nd operation . The most recent (3rd one) operation was 5 weeks ago. It was a same day surgery. I had never had one of those before. I discovered what the difference is between in patient & out patient surgery. When it is out patient, nurses shout at you as you are coming out of anesthesia "Wake up, wake up, wake up, take a deep breath, wake up" on an endless loop. They irritate you into opening your eyes & breathing just to make the loop stop. (I'm exaggerating just a little here, they were nice nurses). They then tell you it's time to get up & go to the bathroom. Huh? Are you nuts? It took 2 people & 2 percocets to get me down the hall to the bathroom. Before I knew it I was in the car being driven home. I was scared & very dubious but it did work out. Someone was here with my mom & me the first two nights, cause as you might remember I am the primary caregiver for my mom.
The last 2 operations had nothing to do with my cancer, they were to correct & address problems connected to the first surgery when they took the cancer out of me. Everything points to the cancer being GONE! I see the oncologist every three months for a couple of years & get my blood tested whenever one of my doctors says to. My oncologist is my favorite doctor. I call him my quarterback cause as far as I'm concerned he's in charge. He has a sense of humor that I like. He refers to my "52 doctors" cause of all of the complications I've had. I don't really have 52 doctors, it's more like 7 or 8.
Tomorrow I am going to try to take a step in the right direction of getting at least 1/2 way in shape. I've been on the sofa recovering from one thing after another for almost 2 years. I am a slug. I'm going to try a yoga class at one of the Oncology offices. I figure if I bomb out I'll be in good company. I am so not ready to try this at a regular gym or yoga studio. I also have one more week of not lifting, pushing, pulling, carrying, etc any thing weighing more than a gallon of milk. Hopefully, I will be able to write an update tomorrow to let you know how the class went.
Upcoming topics:
The story of a tube that broke off in my kidney during a procedure last December & how it recently came back to haunt me & the fact that my medical bills have been reduced to "only" $18,000.
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